I handled my first night alone. It was a tiring day full of many activities. Jenn and I attended church with Will, Cody and mom. My church baby, Morgan, was there with his mom, Jessica. It was a nice day - we had a fellow church member speak - Jeremy did a great job. The music was enlightening - it was all about kids! It was the kick-off of planning for the church's Bible School the last week of July. We made it home by 12:30 p.m. Jenn and I grabbed a bite to eat and then left for the airport in Pittsburgh.
We had a nice talk on the way to the airport - lots of Todd Memories and Moments from the last few weeks. Little things come back to me and bursts of laughter or tears are the result. I miss him so much - our pillow talks, looking out at our wildlife and flowers and trees, enjoying our coffee on the porch in the mornings, discussing the plans for the day - it all seems like it could still be enjoyed but they are all just lingering memories now. I will cherish our last moments together. I don't want to forget watching the pulse in his neck finally stopping - that is the moment he met Jesus. I don't want to forget the very heavy pain in my heart as I cried and stroked his arm, chest and face - he fought a good fight but now he is where he knew he would always be - heaven is his home now and he is a happy man.
I will be okay; I have many, many friends and family waiting to catch me if I fall. I have plenty of tissues to wipe my eyes and my grieving must take its course. I just really miss him; my friend, my husband, my life!
Beautifully said dear Julie. How courageous you are as you embrace the complete package of loss...the memories, the joy, the heartache and pain. You do it with such grace, knowing that it is the memories, love and joy, along with the support of family and friends that will sustain you. Blessings dear one.
ReplyDeleteLove, Aunt Helen and Uncle Ron