Strength

To open deeply, as genuine spiritual life requires,
we need tremendous courage and strength,
a kind of warrior spirit.
But the place for this warrior strength is in the heart.
Jack Kornfield
A Path with Heart

I will be strong because I am strong. I will go on because I want to go on. My spirit will not die. I have Todd's vision of heaven in my thoughts and can see him there with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye.

I had a slumber party last night! My two 'grandchildren' - Hannah and Kaylee, Becky and her kids; Maddie and Gabby. I had them all alone at first - ages 8, 7, 7 and 6. Becky came about 9:30 with wine for us. The kids did not get to watch TV until it was dark outside. It was quite the eye-opener of the evening. My last slumber party was in third grade, I think. They helped me look through a box of Todd's things from the shed. I am proud of myself for respecting Todd's privacy....the letters he received from his fiancee when he was in training for the reserves went into the trash without me even peeking one little bit; I respect that he had a life before me.

We found a teddy bear I had bought him when we were dating and lots of my 'love letters' to him. Wow! This is one from our first Valentine's Day in 1995:

Todd
I fell in absolute love with a man who turned out to be all I ever dreamed off. You are that man and I want to let you know today - on this very special day - that I am very happy and still find you to be the man of my dreams. You are nice, compassionate, romantic, sincere, loving, caring, understanding and respectful.
Darling, I have only hugs and kisses for you.
Love you bunches,
Julie