Three Hundred Days

It was three hundred days from August 13th 2009 until Todd's funeral, June 8th 2010- a very short nine months of ups and downs, tears and laughter, hope and despair until finally... peace.

I think back to that day of Todd's diagnosis:

"August 13th - Thursday
When we saw Dr. El Khatib for the results of the biopsy (we opted for in person results instead of by phone), we were told the results - metastatic squamous cell carcinoma - the word CANCER rocked our world in a not so very nice way. Todd acted cool with it - I was sitting there with this nice doctor looking over the tops of his glasses at me, with this searing, radiating heat in my chest, spreading throughout my body. Todd smiled and said not to worry. He is so strong and full of faith."

We traveled a long path through those many months of treatment and hope. We were never angry with GOD, not one little bit. We talked so many times of our past, present and future. Not many are lucky enough to have that privilege to perhaps see an end in sight. He wished at the end he would have quit smoking so we could have grown old together. He gave me confidence to be who I am and encouraged my many hobbies - he loved me to be creative and enjoy life. I am at peace knowing he is in a better place, one I will see when God is done with my time on Earth.

I was reading through the Hospice reports of Todd's failing health and one thing stood out clear in all of them; "patient has a supportive family, family is present at all times, patient's wife is very loving, caring and involved." All of those reports make me feel so proud to have been his wife and to have kept our vows of ‘in sickness and in health'. He is greatly missed and my heart actually aches for him but as everyone has been saying, I am strong, I will survive.

One of my favorite memories of our last days together....from May 25th:
"What a beautiful day we had on Monday! The sky was that deep blue with a few white fluffy clouds. Todd and I both love sitting on the back deck looking out upon the yard and trees enjoying the scenery and talking about life. I do most of the talking - Todd is very confused with this thoughts and sayings. I did get a compliment from him yesterday. He told me I was a ‘get-down dandy'. At least I think it was a compliment."