A Wonderful Christmas

Although I dreaded my first Christmas without Todd, it was a very wonderful day of great visits, phone calls and love.

Will spent the night Christmas Eve and we both woke up about 7 a.m. I made coffee and he helped clean up a bit. I taught him how to make a breakfast casserole with eggs, cheese and sausage. I cut up fruit for a fruit salad. Cody and Amanda came about 9 a.m. and ate quickly - my kids are still excited about Christmas. Will surprised me with gold/diamond earrings to match my necklace that I had made from our wedding bands. Such a thoughtful son. He also got me the book Eat, Pray, Love. (January Book club book) Cody and Amanda know what I like - they got me a one hour massage at Natural Options in Grove City. I can't wait to make my appointment.

The kids opened their gifts that were inside; Amanda got scrapbooking and kitchen stuff, Will got Todd's pistols and Cody had to wait for his big gift in the garage. We put on our coats and walked out to the garage through a light coating of snow.  Cody was VERY surprised to see a GIANT compost bin/barrel and two chairs for their dining room table. Will also got a bed and mattress set. It was an overall BIG Christmas this year. Jeff called to see how Cody liked his new GREEN toy and I told him he loved it.

I took a ride up to Mom's who is suffering from the shingles on her face. I made dinner of crab cakes and rice; she had coleslaw for our vegetable. Darren, Shelly, Nicole and Zac stopped in....mom gave us our gifts. My favorite is a small old jar of old buttons, it is already on my button shelf above my quilt hanging.

Thanks to all for making this Christmas a happy one - from all of the wishes on the phone, emails and visits....lets keep the homefires burning with love for each other.

202 days ago

It was a day that I will never forget - the day Todd's heart of gold stopped beating. He was so brave that last week of life - accepting the inevitable had finally happened in his confused, disease riddled body. The cancer had finally won but he also knew that it was a blessing in disguise - he was going beyond the Earth body we are all given and would arrive at a place he always knew would be his home - heaven.  He was a very loving, religious man who always shared his thoughts of God with others.  Dearest husband, you are sincerely missed by many - we all loved you and are so thankful for the faith that carried us to this point of accepting that vision of hope of seeing you again.

Todd, your garage is getting a workout! Jeff (one of Santa's elves) was busy yesterday constructing Cody's surprise. I can't wait to see his face when he whips the sheet off of the contraption that will be a BIG help in living life GREEN.

Last night, I took time to attend the Foxburg's Christmas dinner for some of the areas families with special needs children. I was the OFFICAL photographer - the kids humored me by smiling when I asked. Santa was there as well as the Grove City Barbershop Chorus; singing lots of lively Christmas favorites. The food was outstanding; so much on the buffet! Thank you Miss Becky for putting this all together this year again!

Visitors brought a thoughtful gift yesterday. Jim Anderson, who bought Todd's touring bike, and his wife stopped in to deliver a framed tribute photo of their trip to the Pennsylvania Grand Canyon. Todd's dream was to ride his bike with Will and Cody on their's for a Rt. 66 trip -- to that very place. The photo is of Jim and his wife on the bike with the Grand Canyon sign in the background titled: In Memory of Todd 2010. They knew how much Todd would have loved being the one in the photo.

I also was given a monetary gift in memory of Todd which was added to the many already received; the church's Youth Fund is overflowing in memory of Todd!  Thanks Sharon and Bob.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New year to all of my loving family and friends. I could not have gotten through this year without you all! Love to you, Julie

The Week

Herb Glazed Chicken - Amanda loves to make this delicious Coast favorite with chicken breasts to counterbalance the healthy meat with the unhealthy (but yummy) coating of peach preserves and butter glaze. We have been enjoying this dish in our family for over 30 years. She, Cody and Will invited me for dinner one night this week and we feasted on this chicken dish.

I also got my monthly younger look applied to my head - a cut and color at Korner's in Barkeyville - my beautician of choice - Darlene Hanna. I have been going to see her for almost 20 years. I like things staying the same. It gives me a sense of family everywhere I go. I attended three days of ankle therapy for my 'broken' ankle that I thought was a sprain. While there, I saw an old neighbor, Mark Dunn. He and his son used to live across from us - we gave them the boys' basketball hoop stand when they weren't using it anymore.  I don't think I could ever move away - I like knowing people everywhere I venture in my own little world here in Northern Butler County, Eastern Mercer County and Southern Venango County. Mom and her friend Kaycee stopped in for a visit on their way home from seeing the Vatican display at the John Heinz History Center in Pittsburgh; Mom's Christmas gift from Doug and Mary Kay. They loved seeing all of the history and spendor. Agway was here yesterday to adjust my water system and get the water on the right track.Handyman Jeff stopped in a couple of days for coffee chats - he is keeping me grounded lately with his visits and joking. This time last year Todd was buying lots of gifts with his first Social Security Disability check - he was living up his last Christmas with a smile and a tug on everyone's hearts. Bittersweet.

My most exciting day of the week was Saturday; Becky loaned me her kids for the day...for tons of fun. She was readying for the Foxburg's second annual Christmas for Kids dinner and party this coming Thursday night. She had to buy gifts for about 20 kids and then wrap them. A couple of helpers and eight hours later; they were done. In the meantime. the kids and I crafted and ate and crafted the day away. We used old Christmas cards of my Grandma Russell's and made some ornaments and boxes. The kids had so much fun and so did I!!

Photographs and Memories

This is the middle of my busy weekend. Friday night, Will and I were picked up by my friends Steve and Laurie Croy to attend the Keypoint Government Solutions Christmas Party at Shakespeare's in Ellwood City. No snow and no rain made for a good drive. The evening was so much fun. Will fit right in with our crazy table of coworkers and guests; Steve and Darla Adams, Brian and Karen Drew, Laurie and Steve Croy. We all kidded and harrassed each other the entire evening. I laughed til I cried and it was great that Will was able to come along - we were kicked out at 10 p.m. but could have stayed all night.

Last night Will and I zipped up to Barkeyville to the Coffee House - not too crowded so close to Christmas but the music was nice. I loved the Christmas songs of Paul and Karen Douds, you guys are awesome!!  The next duo up sang some wonderful songs; the one that made me sad was the Jim Croce song - Photographs and Memories.
 
Photographs and memories
Christmas cards you sent to me
All that I have are these
To remember you

Memories that come at night
Take me to another time
Back to a happier day
When I called you mine

But we sure had a good time
When we started way back when
Morning walks and bedroom talks
Oh how I loved you then

Summer skies and lullabies
Nights we couldn't say good-bye
And of all of the things that we knew
Not a dream survived

Photographs and memories
All the love you gave to me
Somehow it just can't be true
That's all I've left of you

But we sure had a good time
When we started way back when
Morning walks and bedroom talks
Oh how I loved you then

Check out the awesome website by Jim Croce's widow Ingrid;
http://www.jimcroce.com/

Today is the Miller Christmas in Barkeyville at the United Methodist Church, right across from our church. I won't have to do much traveling today. The weather is supposed to turn nasty so the ones far away might decide to be safe and stay home. I am sure we will understand.

Busy time of year

The month of December is busy for everyone - so much to squeeze into the days before Christmas. Tonight is my company's Christmas party at Shakespeare's in Ellwood City. I will get a chance to 'dress up' with my sparkly black jacket and camisole and my new boots to keep by feet warm in the large upper room of the castle. My date of choice (handyman Jeff) was called to work tonight so Will is my handsome stand in. He and I will look so fine and he will get to meet all of my work friends.

Yesterday I was fitted for and obtained an ASO (ankle stablilzing orthosis) for supporting my healing broken ankle. Shame on me for walking on it since August 30th when I 'sprained' it at Zumba. I did have it x-rayed the week after it happened at the GCMC and the results were said to be just a sprain. I finally went to the foot/ankle specialist in Grove City, Dr. Spencer, who said it is a healing break. I guess I should take care of this old 51 year old body a little better. I start my therapy Monday at 3 p.m. at Wise Physical Therapy on Cranberry Road past the hospital.

Last night, I was invited to dinner at Cody, Amanda and Will's for chicken and biscuits, one of their favorites. It was so cold to go out - but the roads were clear. I brought Will home with me so he will be here tonight when we are picked up for the Christmas Dinner/Party. Steve and Laura Croy will be letting us ride with them.

Saturday is another scrapbooking day, Coffee House at our church in the evening, Sunday morning church and in the afternoon - the annual Miller Christmas. It will be a very busy weekend. I guess I will rest on Monday while I am working.

Words to Live By

Photo by Keith Reynolds, local photographer

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland Ohio:
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written."

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Blessed

God,

It has been a tough year for all of us who loved Todd and felt sadness at his passing, we miss him so much. Thank you for the time we had with him and please know we are grateful for the little reminders, each day, of Todd's presence in our lives still. For me it is a whiff of Curve cologne or just being on the porch where he spent the last of his days. For others it is something he taught them or holding something he made with his own hands. Some will be reminded of him by a joke or a funny story. Todd was unique as we all are and he is dearly missed. But, God, just know that we are blessed beyond words that we still have one another.

Love always,
Julie

Red sky.....

Yesterday it rained.
Yesterday, the morning sunrise was red.

I can predict the weather and so can you!!

Is the old adage “Red sky at night, sailor’s delight. Red sky in morning, sailor’s warning” true, or is it just an old wives’ tale? Within limits, there is truth in this saying.Have you ever heard anyone use the proverb above? http://www.loc.gov/rr/scitech/mysteries/weather-sailor.html

Shakespeare did. He said something similar in his play, Venus and Adonis.
“Like a red morn that ever yet betokened, Wreck to the seaman, tempest to the field, Sorrow to the shepherds, woe unto the birds, Gusts and foul flaws to herdmen and to herds.”

In the Bible, (Matthew 16: 2-3,) Jesus said, “When in evening, ye say, it will be fair weather: For the sky is red. And in the morning, it will be foul weather today; for the sky is red and lowering.”

Weather lore has been around since people needed to predict the weather and plan their activities. Sailors and farmers relied on it to navigate ships and plant crops.

But can weather lore truly predict the weather or seasons?
Weather lore concerning the appearance of the sky, the conditions of the atmosphere, the type or movement of the clouds, and the direction of the winds may have a scientific basis and likely can predict the weather.

In order to understand why “Red sky at night, sailor’s delight. Red sky in morning, sailor’s warning” can predict the weather, we must understand more about weather and the colors in the sky.

Usually, weather moves from west to east, blown by the westerly trade winds. This means storm systems generally move in from the West.

The colors we see in the sky are due to the rays of sunlight being split into colors of the spectrum as they pass through the atmosphere and ricochet off the water vapor and particles in the atmosphere. The amounts of water vapor and dust particles in the atmosphere are good indicators of weather conditions. They also determine which colors we will see in the sky.

During sunrise and sunset the sun is low in the sky, and it transmits light through the thickest part of the atmosphere. A red sky suggests an atmosphere loaded with dust and moisture particles. We see the red, because red wavelengths (the longest in the color spectrum) are breaking through the atmosphere. The shorter wavelengths, such as blue, are scattered and broken up.

Red sky at night, sailors delight.
When we see a red sky at night, this means that the setting sun is sending its light through a high concentration of dust particles. This usually indicates high pressure and stable air coming in from the west. Basically good weather will follow.

Red sky in morning, sailor’s warning.
A red sunrise reflects the dust particles of a system that has just passed from the west. This indicates that a storm system may be moving to the east. If the morning sky is a deep fiery red, it means a high water content in the atmosphere. So, rain is on its way.

A Relaxing Saturday

I took it easy on Saturday. My favorite part of the day was just spending the afternoon on the front porch. It was 70 degrees and sunny; a perfect Fall day to enjoy a cup of coffee and read. The tiny leaves were falling in the ever so slight breeze; twirling and twisting their way down to the still green grass. The rays of the afternoon sun were so warm and relaxing as I took in some vitamin D. I could hear small squirrels in the trees and a few birds still looking for snacks. The peaceful day was just what I needed to regroup from my week and do some thinking as well. Some tears were shed as memories of past years were flooding my mind on such a melancholy afternoon.

Attended the Barkeyville Coffee House in the late evening with Will - we enjoyed visiting and listening and catching up with friends. The late afternoon produced a visit from my brother Doug, Mary Kay and their daughter Monica! They had been at the Prime Outlets shopping. I learned Monica's wedding reception will take place at Shakespeare's in Ellwood City - a perfect location for the August 2011 event.


It was a good day overall.

Another Earache ! !

What is it with me and ear problems this year? I missed an entire week of work in February due to a severe ear infection in my left ear. I had another a couple of months ago and now my RIGHT ear is sore and numb feeling as well as hurting. I was lucky enough to call and get an afternoon appointment today - I will not wait until Monday to see if it will go away. Dr. Yost in Butler is my favorite now. Boy oh boy!
What a day to spend not feeling well, it will be in the 60's today and SUNNY. Yeah!!

TGIF

something to brighten our days...


Some weeks just seem to never end...but I am glad this one is ending. We have had many changes at work this week which makes for some people's nerves to fray a little more. I try to go with the flow, maybe it is my Paxil helping me cope? Regardless, some things you cannot do a thing about so put your life in perspective like I do; I follow the lesson of the five balls - work is a rubber ball. The rest are made of glass...

Will and Cody stopped last night to pick up some homemade beef vegetable soup for their supper. Will couldn't wait so he made himself two tuna sandwiches to tide him over until they got home. Amanda is feeling under the weather with a cold, so she was home resting.

I can't wait for the time change this weekend - it stays so dark in the morning - but then it will be dark early in the evenings....the same thing happens every year, have you noticed?

Today marks FIVE months - Todd has been gone. Some days it feels like just yesterday and I still wish I could tell him things, I miss talking to him and sharing life with him. I think the hurdle coming up will be hard, Thanksgiving. Cody and Amanda are hosting again - just like last year.

This time last year, Todd was spending a few days in the hospital in Butler with a fever and weakness. It was his first scare with uncontrolled coughing, a high fever and being away from me, he did not want to ever go back to the hospital - he chose to die at home when the time came, I am so glad it happened that way!

Stand-Up Comedy Night !!

An evening of Laughs!! First dinner at McGinnis' Pub with Tim, Donna, Tom, Etta, Sue and myself. I had the Club Spinach Salad - yummy. Oh, and two drinks on special - Long Island Iced Teas. Excellent choice! Outside for a bit before the Entertainment of the evening in the Grand Ballroom; Charlie Wiener Comedian and first act with Herbie Gill. Both excellent, make your laugh so hard you cry, funny guys! It was a night with many laughs.

Charlie's poster states: Charlie has survived two heart attacks, three wives and two teenage daughters. Charlie is a 60's rocker who is resisting growing up. His show is one of a kind. This show is rated "R".

His website www.charliewiener.com states: Charlie Wiener has headlined comedy clubs across the United States and Canada for a quarter of a century. In that time he has appeared at Zanie's in Chicago, Nashville, St. Charles and Mount Vernon, Goodnight's in Raleigh, The Admiral Theater in Bremerton, Wa., The Improv, Catch a Rising Star in Reno, Providence, Princeton, NJ and Atlantic City, The Riviera and The Plaza in Las Vegas, Loonee's in Colorado Springs and Laff's in Tucson and Albequerque.

He has shared the stage with Ellen Degeneres, Bobcat Goldthwait, George Lopez, Gordon Lightfoot, Randy Newman, Todd Rundgren, Meatloaf, America, Jefferson Starship as well as many, many others. He has performed in forty-six states and half of Canada, driving almost two million miles and aging himself by a multiple of six. He is old, broke down and in pain which he bitches about most of the time but that's the way old people are!

The father of two adult daughters and three very odd dogs, he has lived a full life but isn't ready to cash in his chips just yet. His greatest joy is taking the stage and promoting the concept of old people becoming a drag on the younger generation. Power to the old people! is his battle cry and the the audience follows. Well, they're in wheel chairs, walkers and leaning on canes, don't move very fast and need to stop to pee every few miles... but they follow. And the young see him as hope for their future. That maybe someday if they waste their lives they, too, will get to be bitter old people as well. And that life doesn't necessarily end at 25. Some people are still doing 'it' into their forties and even fifties. (Yes, I know, it's disgusting to even think about that but it's true, I swear to God, they are!)

With appearances on A&E, Comedy Central, his own cable shows 'Off The Wall' and 'Wienervision', CBC, NBC, ABC and CBS as well as being heard regularly on XM radio he has brought the concept of having fun while piling on the years to an art form. Audiences consider him one of the best they have heard... well, those that can still hear. Some have need of a lip reader.

Charlie finds there is nothing funnier than everyday life - especially his. His subject matter ranges from travel to politics, road rage to stupid people, fatherhood to marriage, marriage to marriage to relationships back to marriage around the corner to sex (and lack thereof), then cutting through the alley of dealing with customer service into the bright white light of homosexual relationships onto the highway of love. Yes, it's high energy, fast paced and extremely hilarious. Those who have witnessed a Wiener show vow they will be back if they are still among the living.

For more than forty years in music and comedy, Charlie has proven himself to be the consumate entertainer and one of the most requested stand-up comedians working the road. Charlie Wiener stand-up comedy with that old, old world edge. If wisdom comes with age does it not seem logical that cranky is right on its heel???

Dear Todd,

The days of fall have arrived with cool, cool nights and breezes, too. It would be nice to chat with you around a bonfire and talk about whatever. I remember how we loved looking into the coals and just telling stories and our dreams for the future. Will was here yesterday and I had him rearrange the living room to open up the fireplace. I am still debating on whether to turn the cable TV back on - the dark nights will be lonely without some noise in the house to block out any 'scary' noises outside.

I have been getting some 'things' done around the house - I hired a handyman. Jeff Bon is a "Jeff of all trades" and he loves to talk - he is 5 years older than me and single so I don't have to worry about taking him away from a wife when he works for me. He is a great friend already. Tomorrow he is going to go purchase the siding for the mobile home - it will be re-insulated and re-sided before too long. I am getting gutters and downspouts as well. He already put the de-icer heat coils on the roof to prevent ice build-up this winter. I have paid for the winter's propane allotment and I am almost ready for winter. Jeff is going to work for mom tomorrow afternoon for a bit, she is missing you, and all of the odd jobs you were able to do for her. We all miss you. Last year at this time, we were just beginning the journey that ended in June. I have a lump in my throat now - you sure put up a good fight, buddy. You were an inspiration to so many people. Live until you die!

Today is the last day of the fiscal year for the government and my short break is now over, I have a few more cases to check and then I will be finished for the evening. Another day, another year starts tomorrow.

Love you always.

julie

Wagon Trails Safari

What a fun time! This is a must for ALL of you animal lovers out there. It is only an hour from Barkeyville, in Vienna, OH - just off of the Belmont Avenue exit on I-80. Our church took a bus over and a few cars. The day was full of tongues and mouths reaching for food pellets. Lots of loving and laughing.

A Grand Canyon-sized Hole

Last month, a work friend, Shara, gave me a book to read. This tearjerker, Reflections of a Grieving Spouse by H. Norman Wright, is an awesome book. Subtitled The Unexpected Journey from Loss to Renewed Hope. The introduction starts out like this:
"This is a book I never planned to write or ever even wanted to write. We're all aware death will invade our lives at some time, but it's never to our liking. The loss of a beloved partner who has been by your side for a short time or for almost half a century, creates a Grand Canyon-sized hole in your life. The present and future are changed drastically."
With chapters titled Changing "We" to "I", Avoiding Pain, When You Seem Stuck and Alive in Your Memory, this book covers it all. No question is left unanswered and you can very much tell that the author lost the love of his life.

I mentioned to Pastor Rob about a book I would like to read...did he have it in his collection? Next time I saw him he said he ordered the out of print book, The Walk. Authored by Michael Card, Christian recording artist, it is about the life-changing journey of two friends; the author and his mentor, Dr. Bill Lane. When Bill was diagnosed with cancer, he told Michael, "I want to show you how a Christian man dies". I thought this could have been written about Todd. Todd was raised a Methodist but God is still God. We all walk the same earth, created by Him. Saturday I stopped up to the parsonage and picked it up. It is a very short book, I finished it last night. What a heartwarming story, many messages of discipleship and friendship. It was a tearjerker at the end, of course!

Little Things

................................May 8th Barkeyville Coffee House................................

The icemaker in the refrigerator/freezer has a rumbling noise it makes when the ice tumbles out - it sounds like a cough at times and I think of Todd.

I have NOT had to adjust my Honda's rearview mirror in a LONG time. Todd and I shared my car and he was taller then me so the adjustment was always necessary for both of us.

I was in the garage looking for something and discovered an ashtray with some of Todd's cigarette butts.

When picking out an acorn squash at the local farmer's market, I was again revisiting Todd's first home cooked meal for us on our third week anniversary of dating. He made each of us stuffed Cornish Hens, acorn squash and a nice salad. He cheated on the salad. He bought them somewhere and put them in his own bowls. He was such a romantic; albeit a sneaky one.

These little things keep reminding me of what I am missing; Todd.

milquetoast

Definition from Wiktionary, the free dictionary

I found this word in an article on the internet describing what someone ‘wasn't'. I had never seen this word in print before - I must read more. Of course, I had to look up the meaning:
meek, timid
a person of meek or timid disposition
From the character Caspar Milquetoast of the comic strip The Timid Soul, created by Harold Webster and first published in 1924.
The character's name is a deliberate misspelling of the name of a bland and fairly inoffensive food, milk toast. Milk toast, light and easy to digest, is an appropriate food for someone with a weak or "nervous" stomach. Because of the popularity of Webster's character, the term milquetoast came into general usage in American English to mean "weak and ineffectual" or "plain and unadventurous." When the term is used to describe a person, it typically indicates someone of an unusually meek, bland, soft or submissive nature, who is easily overlooked, written off, and who may also appear overly sensitive, timid, indecisive or cowardly.
For the first half of the 20th Century Harold Tucker Webster was a popular cartoonist who didn't change his style with the times. His later drawings seem stuck in an earlier era, but that only added to the charm. The character, Caspar Milquetoast, was Webster's most popular, and lives on by name as a man who lacks courage. We all know a Caspar Milquetoast. Sometimes Webster used subtlety, as in the drawing where the census taker asks, "Are you the head of the household?" Caspar's sidelong glance at his wife tells us all we need to know.

9/11 - Did you know?

9/11 Tear Drop Memorial from Russia


Variously known as "The Tear of Grief," "The Teardrop Memorial," and "The Memorial at Harbor View Park" — as well as by its official name, "To the Struggle Against World Terrorism" — this monument to the victims of 9/11 was built by Russian artist Zurab Tsereteli on the waterfront of Bayonne Harbor, New Jersey and publicly dedicated on September 11, 2006. It was, in the words of Vladimir Putin, "a gift from the Russian people."

The monument comprises a 100-foot-tall bronze tower with a jagged split down the middle and a 40-foot-long stainless steel teardrop suspended in the gap. It stands on an 11-sided slab of black marble carved with the names of every person who died in the September 11 attack, as well as the victims of the 1993 World Trade Center bombing. The brightly lit memorial is visible even at night from the Statue of Liberty, Battery Park, the Staten Island Ferry, and other locations around the Hudson River.

Though not well known in the United States, Zurab Tsereteli is renowned for his work in Russia, as well as public sculptures he has erected all around the world. He reportedly spent $12 million of his own money to complete the Bayonne Harbor monument.

We will never forget where we were, what we were doing and how we felt that horrible day. Please pray for peace.

Russell Restaurant Review

I had the pleasure of being invited to my Uncle Bruce and Aunt Sue's for the evening. It is just a hop, skip and a jump down Harmony Road. My cousin Regan and husband Drew along with Baby Maggie Moo were there as well. It was an evening to enjoy. Visiting, looking at trip photos and playing with little Maggie while sitting out in the cool evening air on their patio made for a very pleasant night. Uncle Bruce is quite the chef now that he is retired [he always a good grill master, I am sure]. Tonight's delicious entree was a variety of shish kebabs. Steak, chicken or shrimp interspersed with pineapple, mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, onions and green or yellow bell peppers made for a beautiful skewer of yumminess! They were delicious. Thanks for the nice evening!

DID YOU KNOW? "The term shish kebab comes from Turkish words literally meaning "skewer" and "roast meat," and it is a signature Turkish meal. Kebabs were a natural solution for nomadic tribes. Unusual meats were marinated not only to tenderize, but also to get rid of some of the gamey flavor."

Baby say you love me

This is one title of Todd's tapes of snippets of songs he used to record when he was driving truck. Most are about lost love and memories and dreaming about changes. It is something I like to listen to now and then. Too much listening and I get depressed. I love listening to his voice, it is almost like he is singing to me again. He had such a nice voice but was afraid to sing in front of a group. He would always sing and make up songs when we did road trips or just to Grove City. He was my one of a kind Todd!!

He recorded bits and pieces of thoughts and reflections of his feelings, long ago in the 80's and early 90's. He did not sing any more lonely songs after we started dating, I guess he wasn't looking for lost love anymore. I was good for him!! I can hear the truck noises in the background of the tapes, it makes it so real. I am glad I have his voice to keep me company on lonely nights. It makes me want to hug him and tell him it will all be okay, I wish he could do that to me. Okay, I made myself cry. Heartache abounds tonight as the tears fall off my cheeks.


Baby say you love me ... You want me to be your man
Hey baby, my heart ... it will understand
Baby say you love me ... Say you always will
You'll love me forever...baby, until time stands still

Phil Keaggy

http://www.philkeaggy.com/about.aspx

I had an opportunity to attend a Phil Keaggy concert in Franklin Friday night. It was a great evening with a sold out crowd of lovers of Phil Keaggy's awesome and talented vocals and instrumental masterpieces with his band, Glass Harp.

Teddy

Garfield and I both like our Teddy's. Mine is Todd's from when we were dating and I bought it for him. I now spritz him with Todd's favorite cologne, Curve, and he smells just like Todd always did. Teddy and I have a standing date each night, who says a 51 year old can't sleep with a Teddy Bear AND listen to him each night? He keeps me sane for now.

Journaling

My attempt at the log cabin with applique quilting from a class I took. It is hard to keep straight lines for me but I still like my wall hanging.
Some of you like to write and some of you don't. I never kept a journal before Todd was diagnosed with lung cancer. Now I don't know what I would do without that 'book' of memories that I kept so faithfully for those last nine months of his life here on earth. Now, when I write, I am coming to grips with being a widow, alone in the world and living a different kind of life.

It is all about ME now. I am in charge of everything; dining, visiting, decision-making, financial, friends and get-togethers. It is a lot of change to balance on my shoulders - no one is here to ask their opinion.

Writing gives me a chance to capture moments in my life; both present and past. I can write about a topic of the day, a letter to Todd, a thought that needs expanded upon and perhaps a time line of life. I suggest you all try it sometime - it is good therapy for whatever ails you. I have plans for this blog - maybe you will all be surprised about what I write about and maybe you won't. I will put what's in my heart, all the tangled up feelings and thoughts -- I hope we all benefit from at least one thing now and then.

The Lane Home

I drive down this lane to come home and it is not really getting any easier knowing that I am coming home to an empty house. I am not afraid to stay alone; it is just that no one is there to talk to about my day. I park the car in the garage that wasn't there last year at this time. I open the door and drop my stuff on the kitchen table. Another night alone.
Today, Will, Cody, Amanda, her sister and mother and myself ate at the Olive Garden in Cranberry Twp for August birthday celebrations. We went about 3:30 before the dinner time crowd and had great service from our waiter, Steven. It was a nice time and a nice day. The boys and I attended church as well this morning - what a beautiful day we have had.
Last year at this time, Todd and I were talking about a dream he had, prayers for healing and strength were being said and we had no idea that he would not have another August. I sure do miss him. I think I miss him most at night. During the day when I am working, I can keep my mind occupied but come night time - my thoughts turn to him. Please keep me in your prayers as this next weekend it will be three months. I have been reading about grief and the first milestone is the three month mark. I made it through our anniversary date and next will be our First Date anniversary - Halloween.
Soon September will be here, why do the years go faster and faster as we get older?

One year ago today

This photo was taken at Niagara Falls October 2001, before the gray beard became part of Todd's smiling face. It was a beautiful day.

One year ago today, Todd had his port 'surgery'. They implanted the device to enable the chemo drugs to be administered without a needle in his arm; it was placed in his upper left arm. This was the beginning of many trips to Butler for Todd's treatment that did prolong his life. He had a great Fall for the most part - he never gave up hope, nor did I. We had a chance to talk of many things that most married couples never do - "it was the best of times, and the worst of times." [Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens] We both became closer to each other and to God. We realized that we had many friends and family members who loved us. We knew that without a miracle, Todd was going home to be with those who had gone before. He was not scared; he was worried about me! Todd never gave up hope of being cured but he sure was ready when the time came. I admired his courage and faith. Underlying all of our hope for a rosy future was the realization that the worst was yet to come. In the very end - Todd won! He made it - I feel privileged to have been able to nurse him to heaven.

The unexpected

The unexpected surprises of grief...

...opening the mailbox to pull out a reminder from the pulmonologist addressed to Todd Miller...time for your next appointment. A stab of grief.

...seeing one of Todd's hospice nurses at our local convenience store and him asking me how my hubby was doing. I had to tell him Todd passed away in June. I felt his uncomfortableness in that situation. A stab of grief.

...answering the phone and it was World of Wheels where Todd bought his touring bike. DJ wanted to know if he could talk to Todd about selling his bike; he found someone who wanted to buy it. I had to tell him Todd had passed away and that I had already sold the bike. Another stab of grief.

...seeing one of our local repairmen at the Credit Union and I quickly told him of Todd's passing before he could ask me how he was doing. I avoided the uncomfortable situation - as he did not know. A stab of grief.

They come one right after another. The reminders of grief. They have a message to share. "You're alone, without a spouse and he won't be back."

Grief is like a hug from the person you've lost. As I cry each night, I feel Todd hugging me and telling me it will be okay with time. Keep the faith he says and time will heal you - hurry up time, this is so hard. But grief travels at its own pace...it is uncontrollable as I struggle with my feelings and thoughts. Todd, you are always in my heart, I miss you!

Lonely

Someday, I won't feel half here. I guess this week it has really hit me that Todd is gone, gone forever and the emptiness is real. I have been praying a lot this week for peace. I know it will get better with time, but it will take many months and years to get over losing my best friend!!

My Life

MY BOYS:
Cody and Will got new tattoos! Cody's is a heart with MOM in the middle on his right bicep. He has a soft spot in his heart for me! Will got some abstract earth monster on his left inner lower arm. Wow, tattoos all over. Soon there will be no spot left.
MY HOME:
Grass is mowed, garage walls and ceiling are painted, water system is installed as well as a new hot water tank. I need my kitchen sink drain snaked out [Rick?] I need my bathroom sink drain out, it is broken and won't release....[Darren?]. Back deck is waterproofed, picnic table needs done and the front porch. I need to look for my own patio set, Mo and Paul just loaned me their's and they need them back. There is still lots to do before winter hits Pennsylvania!!
IN BETWEEN:
I had a work meeting Tuesday morning, then an office inspection with our security officer from Colorado as well as my direct supervisor and review supervisor. After they left, Tim stopped in to see if I needed anything done. By that time, I was so tired and ready for a break, I kind of broke down. I can only go so far in a day.
MY EMOTIONS:
I cried most of yesterday afternoon and did not work much at all. Some days are like that. All of a sudden it hits me that I am really ALONE and a WIDOW. Me? At the young age of 51? Not possible. The last year is such a blur to me and I know it will take days, months, years even to get over the grieving process – it is so overwhelming to me right now. I do a pretty good job of faking life right now – when all I want to do is crawl into a hole. My comfort is the chair Todd died on; I will go into the garage and lay on it with his jacket around me and I feel so close to him there. [and of course, cry some more] I know it will get better….but it will take a lot of time.

This is me dragging my broken heart around with my wagon....
IN BETWEEN:
Darlene Hanna picked me up to go listen to Raeman at the Brewery in Slippery Rock. I was still not up to par but we stayed for a bit and Raeman took his break with us as well as the drummer, Steve McMurray. Max Schang was, as usual, buddying up to his fans...he is the lead of the group; Max Schang and friends.
MY JOB:
I was nominated for a RockStar Award. I won $100 in gift cards; I picked Lowe's and Home Depot. [ Patio set?] The letter sent on my behalf is a good read.
My boss, Andy Crouse, said: Congratulations! You are a really good example of why KeyPoint is the best place to work!
THE LETTER:
I want to nominate Julia Miller because she really is amazing. Last week I had a case in which two days before the CD [critical date] we needed to get sources from all over the country interviewed and the case reviewed. I thought the situation was hopeless, that we would miss the CD, but Julia appeared to drop everything and went to work on this case immediately. She contacted all of the FM's [field managers] on the case and CC'd myself and others working the case so we were all in the loop. She must have worked on this case for hours, reviewing it, getting the various sources scheduled for interview, letting everyone know what the status was, etc. It was so impressive; the work she put into the case to ensure it made it by the CD. She also followed up the next day with FM's and Investigators regarding open items to ensure the case didn't miss the CD.

Throughout all of this stress Julia was so cheerful and pleasant to work with! She wrote replies with feedback telling everyone, "good job" and "everything looks good", etc. I was so impressed by how much work she put into it and how pleasant she made such a stressful situation for everyone. She took what I thought was a hopeless situation and made it work.

I hope she gets some form of reward or recognition for all of the hard work she did; but more importantly, the positive attitude she had during the whole ordeal. She was a pleasure to work with!

Sincerely,
Karen L.

Learning about Grief

Photo taken June 1st - just 4 short days before Todd went to heaven.

I am learning about grief counseling (from the internet):

Each person looks at the world through a different set of lenses, and as a result, one's ‘dances', ‘steps', upbringing, hopes, dreams, and healing are dependent on many factors. Grief counseling and therapy are about sharing a person's journey before or after a death. The focus is on companioning them during difficult times and not rescuing or fixing them, and about listening to their stories and thoughts with an open mind and open heart. (My family and friends have played an important role in my own personal grief 'counseling'.)

Because grief is a process and not an event, what takes place along the grief journey may alter how one continues to cope and adapt to loss.

It is the assumption that if one knows a person is going to die then the grief after the death is not as intense as if the death were a surprise. However, is this really true?
According to clinician, researcher and writer Therese Rando,

Anticipatory grief is the phenomenon encompassing the process of mourning, coping, interaction, planning, and psychosocial reorganization that are stimulated and begun in part in response to the awareness of the impending loss of a loved one and the recognition of associated losses in the past, present, and future. It is seldom explicitly recognized, but the truly therapeutic experience of anticipatory grief mandates a delicate balance among the mutually conflicting demands of simultaneously holding onto, letting go of, and drawing closer to the dying patient.

Todd,
I am still taking one step at a time. It is hard but you 'counseled' me starting last summer, letting me know you wanted me to go on and be happy and keep living. I am getting a 'handle' on this widow thing. The boys are awesome, just like you hoped they would be!! Will and Cody are loving their mom! Your memories are helping us all get through this process of grieving.
We love you, my friend!!
Jelly Bean

Joking or serious.....

Whether Todd was joking or serious - I loved that man!! He could do almost anything and if he did not know, he would read up on it or call someone and ASK. My Todd was not afraid to ask and learn new things. I must take lessons from my jokester of a husband. I still think in my mind, what would Todd do in this situation?

I am learning to do things on my own; feels very different to me. Todd taught me many things about living and loving. Toward the end of his life he always would ask, "Do you mind if I don't go along?" He was always courteous. I could talk to him about most everything. That is what I miss. Someone to talk to and go places with.

I ventured out in the rain/thunderstorm yesterday afternoon to listen to a One in Spirit concert at Wolf Creek Church near Slippery Rock. I got there too late, they were already done but I visited with the McCommons' for a bit under the big tents.

I wanted to stop at True Value in Slippery Rock but they were already closed. A mouse chewed a hole in my ice-maker water line and I need to get a new one. I stopped at Trader Horn and got some other fix-it stuff for the house. There is always something to do to keep the place in order. This all was Todd's job and I must learn how to do it myself. I wish I had paid more attention to the "how-to's" in the last few years!!

Friday was Will's 26th birthday and he celebrated with a small party at our cabin on the 58 acres. Just a few friends and MOM. It is not every mother who will 'party' with their kids, but I do. I drank a few wine coolers as we sat around the fire Friday evening. It was a nice evening, no rain and no bears!!

Yesterday I kept busy all day; helped while Cody cut up a fallen tree in the backyard - I carried the 'brush' and his friend Ryan helped, too. Then they built me a set of corn hole bean bag toss games. Now I must paint them and buy the bags. Sounds like a great project, I can't wait. Took the kids to King's for lunch and then home again for another project. I cleaned the oven!! What a hard job - because I have put it off for so long. This morning will be church. Tomorrow night is Zumba at our church at 6 p.m. One of our Zumba teachers went to Haiti on a mission project. Good luck to her!!

I also need to waterproof the picnic table and perhaps the front porch. Cody needs to waterproof his new porch floor - I believe we have plenty left in the five gallon bucket I bought!! Okay - enough talk about work for now. I must get ready for church.
Life keeps moving and so must I. Wish you could help me, Todd!! Miss you bunches. Love you my forever friend!!

Spirit, thoughts and prayers

Todd's light is still shining...cousin Tara - thank you for finding such an appropriate card that says it all.

G R A T E F U L N E S S

Word for the Day :: G R A T E F U L N E S S

WORD FOR THE DAY
Tuesday, Aug. 10

You cannot be too gentle, too kind.
Shun even to appear harsh in your
treatment of each other.
Joy, radiant joy, streams from the
face of one who gives and kindles
joy in the heart of one who receives.

St. Seraphim of Sarov

Family Reunion

"You don't choose your family, they are GOD'S gift to you." - Desmond Tutu

Cody was kind enough to attend the Kemp family reunion with me in New Bethlehem yesterday, Sunday August 8th. It was just over an hour away. He was a big hit with all of the girls; mostly 8 years old and younger. He took them to the playground, they fought over who would sit by him when we ate and all wanted his undivided attention. His little 'harem' enjoyed themselves as Cody was a great sport through it all. Attendance was fantastic, the pavilion was full. Not everyone has reunions just after the Clarion County Fair - in the cow stall pavilion! Thanks to the Caldwell young men who pressure washed the stench away with major doses of cleaning solutions!! The weather was perfect, the crowd was agreeable and it was a nice day overall.


I made such a simple but delicious layered casserole; 1 bag sauerkraut, 1 pound chipped ham (or corned beef), 1 cup thousand island dressing, 1 layer of sliced swiss cheese and it was covered with rye bread cubes and melted butter. Bake at 350 for 1/2 hour and enjoy. I did NOT say it was healthy, just easy to make and yummy!!

The lesson of the five balls...

I never tire of sharing this philosophy.

This was written by Brian G. Dyson the CEO of Coca-Cola (from 1988 until 1994). Also used by James Patterson in his writings from Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas, but he switched the word Spirit with Integrity.


Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – Work – Family – Health – Friends – Spirit, and you’re keeping all of these in the air.
You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered.

They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.

How?

1. Do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

2. Do not set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

3. Do not take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

4. Do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.

5. Do not give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

6. Do not be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us together.

7. Do not be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

8. Do not shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

9. Do not run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.

10. Do not forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

11. Do not be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.

12. Do not use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.

Keeper of the Stars

Our song...after we had been dating for a little while, we grabbed this song as our own, it came out in 1995 and the words seemed to be what we talked about so much. We wished we had 'met' sooner and gotten together....life is too short. As it turns out, it was too short and I only had a short 16 years with Todd. He was a keeper! We made each other whole. Love has a way of doing just that.


KEEPER OF THE STARS
Tracy Byrd


It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew
Now I just can't believe you're in my life
Heaven's smiling down on me
As I look at you tonight.

I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doing
When he joined these two hearts
I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars.

Soft moonlight on your face, oh how you shine
It takes my breath away
Just to look into your eyes
I know I don't deserve a treasure like you
There really are no words
To show my gratitude.

So I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doing
When he joined these two hearts
I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars.

It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew.

Listening

Sitting on the back deck listening. Visiting with a friend listening. Sitting in church listening. Driving down the road listening. Talking on the phone AND listening to the other person.

I try to help others by my listening - a good listener is a good friend. Sometimes saying nothing at all while listening is the best. Sometimes we are prodded to give an opinion, be careful what you say; someone who is pouring out their heart does not always want a comment, they just want a good listener.

I think I figured it all out: I know how to put my own concerns and opinions aside for a while and give people my undivided, heartfelt, gently compassionate, non-judging attention. I make them feel safe...and seen, like they are very important. Which they are! I love listening to people. I am totally fascinated and intrigued by what goes on inside of people's souls and minds. And my heart always goes out to their pain and suffering as well celebrate their triumphs and their joys. I enjoy listening and listening deeply. I can get inside of someone's experience and understand what they are going through and shower them with acceptance, with no effort at all. I have been told I am a good listener.

A Good Week

An old fall photo of the deck before weather proofing; there are a lot of pickets!!









I think 'I' accomplished a lot this week. The deck has been weatherproofed with Thomspon's Weather sealer; James did the bulk of the picket railings on Thursday while Tim and I helped. I did the deck itself on Friday. It is looking very nice. I had a night out with friends at their camp at Kozy Rest on Friday night. I had dinner out with friends on Thursday night. Life just never slows down here at the Miller Homestead. Ted came and did weed-eating Thursday night, Cody and Will did mowing and weed-deating earlier in the week as well.

An AGWAY water system was installed on Wednesday as well as a new hot water tank. I can now take a shower without running out of hot water. I now have non-red water that requires a salt treatment and desanitization - the water was slimy and we put up with it for too many years; carrying water to drink and cook with. We only used it to shower and wash clothes; now I can BUY a white shirt!

Next on the agenda is the garage ceiling to be painted and Ted is lining up the scaffolding for me to make that an easier task. Then lots to rearrange and line up and organize. Someday, I hope to have a garage warming party after it is all looking nice and orderly. You all are invited!

Life is good, GOD IS GOOD, all the time.

Happy Anniversary Honey

Todd,

I was dreading this day since you passed away. Monday July 26th would have marked 14 years of marriage for us. The ups and downs, highs and lows, rainy or sunny days were lived each with you by my side. So many times now I wish I could tell you something but you are not there. I want to ask you a question and you are not there. I need your advice on something and you are not there. I think about you every day, every hour and did not realize how much I loved you until your were not part of my life anymore. Sure, we always told each other of our love, you mostly with your "Did I tell you yet today how much I love you?". I will never forget our special bond with that saying. You are in my heart and will always be part of my soul. I will always remember you as a happy man. Yes, I know you liked to argue about politics and religion and discipline and road rage.....but you could really debate like the best of the best! You taught me so many things about life. How to drive and not make the truckers mad, how to use tough love when the kids were younger, how to change the filter under the sink, how to use your tools like drills, circular saws and jigsaw... and how to be a good Christian. The list goes on and on and for that I am so thankful.

We spent only 21 months dating before we ‘tied the knot'. I remember you first told me you loved me after only about 3 weeks and you scared me. I was not ready to hear that from anyone. You convinced me you were a good man, a good friend and would make a good husband. You did not disappoint me! As we grow older, we mature and change and what you or I were like before did not matter - it only mattered that we got along, loved each other and were very compatible. We fit like a hand in a glove; where I was weak your were strong and vise versa. We made a good team. What I will miss the most is your humor - you could always make everyone laugh and enjoy life, you were so special in that way. I will miss you singing to me along with the radio in the car or making up songs to make fun of something - you were one of a kind, my sweet, sweet man!

So with each new day, I take one small step into a new world; a world without you. I will always remember your sweet, sweet smile and that special wink of yours that meant I love you. This new life will get better, with baby steps that I will take just one step at a time. I love you honey and miss you so!! You will live in my heart forever.

Your loving wife,
Julie

July - Summer 2010

Wow, I keep saying how time flies and it sure has been. Seven weeks ago today, I was readying myself to attend church after the death of Todd the night before. It was a surreal feeling, a day of new beginnings. There have been many new beginnings these past several weeks. I am making strides in picking up my life again. I think about Todd a million times a day and miss him still terribly. As long as I keep moving and keep busy, I am able to cope. At night, when I lay down is when I remember all of our pillow talks and rehashing of our day. Now, I wish he were here to visit with and hug and love...I miss it all!! He would be proud of how I am making small improvements and keeping up with all that owning a home entails; I will be getting a water treatment system and a hot water tank this Wednesday from Agway, the garage walls have been painted (still have the ceiling to do), mower is fixed and grass is being mowed, lists have been made and so much more is on the horizon. Sometimes it is overwhelming but I take a deep breath, say a prayer of thankfulness for Todd's teaching me many things and I go on with what needs to be done.
I call friends/family or they call me...I visit friends/family or they visit me...I could not get through these days without all of you. GOD BLESS all of you!!

The road less traveled

How do we know we are making the right choices?
There are so many choices to make!!


The Road Less Traveled
by Kit McCallum

How often we must bear the challenges of life;
The endless roller coaster between happiness and sorrow;
The constant ups and downs of daily strife.
And always the question remains .... why?

Life is not an easy road for most;
It twists and turns with many forks in the road,
Although always, and inevitably, we are given a choice ...

Do we turn to the right ... or the left?
Do we take the high road ... or the low road?
Do we take the easy path ... or the difficult one?

Decisions are not easy for those struggling for direction ...
And sometimes the many choices and signs become overwhelming.

While standing at a crossroads in life,
The urge is to take the most comfortable path;
The road with least resistance ...
The shortest or most traveled route.

And yet, if we've been down that comfortable road before;
Have gleaned its lessons in life, and learned from our experiences;

Do we yet again follow the known?
Or does our destiny lie in another direction?

The fear of the road less traveled is tangible and all too real;
It manifests itself in many ways,
And tends to cloud the issues that might otherwise be clear.

It is in these times of confusion,
That we must seek peace and solitude;

Time to contemplate on our life,
Our experiences and our choices past;
Time to look back, and reflect on what we have learned
Without fear or confusion.

For only each of us knows our own personal thoughts;
Our unique past and personal history;
The experiences that brought us to the crossroads we now face.

We can always learn a small degree from others experiences,
And yet ... no one person can walk in our shoes,
Others know not, the trials and tribulations faced in private ...

For each is individual ... unique ... and personal.

And that is why ... while standing at a crossroads,
Only "we" can formulate the decision for ourselves;
The true direction that lies within;
The choices we must deliberate on with clarity and wisdom.

For it is only through personal reflection,
That we can now choose our destiny;
... Our next adventure;
... And the future we will embrace.

The value of friendship!!

After losing his parents, this 3 year old orangutan was so depressed he wouldn't eat and didn't respond to any medical treatments. The veterinarians thought he would surely die from sadness. The zoo keepers found an old sick dog on the grounds in the park at the zoo where the orangutan lived and took the dog to the animal treatment center. The dog arrived at the same time the orangutan was there being treated. The 2 lost souls met and have been inseparable ever since.
The orangutan found a new reason to live and each always tries his best to be a good companion to his new found friend. They are together 24 hours a day in all their activities.

They live in Northern California where swimming is their favorite past time, although Roscoe (the orangutan) is a little afraid of the water and needs his friend's help to swim.

Together they have discovered the joy and laughter in life and the value of friendship.

They have found more than a friendly shoulder to lean on.

Long Live Friendship!!!!!!!

I don't know......some say life is too short, others say it is too long, but I know that nothing that we do makes sense if we don't touch the hearts of others.......while it lasts!

Thanks, Marilyn for this inspiring story! I love it.

Perspective

Life is only lived through one's own perspective. No two of us are the same. I can love you for who you are and hope you love me for who I am. But, I could not be 'me' without all of the "yous" in my life. You all make me be who I am, your interactions with me shape me - the good and the bad of the shaping come from what I choose to let slide my way. I tend to not let the bad part of life come my way, maybe by choice, mostly by luck. I have been blessed with a good family, good in-laws, good friends and good fellow Christians. I hope to continue in this life staying on the right path, living the good life and trying to help shape the world around me in a good Christian way.

Does this make sense to you? It does to me.

Change the story and you change perception;
change perception and you change the world.
Jean Houston
A Passion for the Possible

The path alone...

This path is a little rocky at times. The decision making has been rough this week; getting a water system estimate along with a hot water tank replacment, deciding on paint for the garage walls inside, deciding on the landscaping around the garage and driveway. These decisions have been made and this tough ole girl did it on her own. I am glad Todd set me up to be able to do all of these necessary things. Along with some help from my boys and close family and friends, I can do this living without Todd. I was told tonight that Todd did not want me to be sad or lonely, he wanted me to live and be happy...enjoy life as I am able. I will do my best, honey. One step at a time is the only way I can walk this path right now.

Like someone said, tough times NEVER last, but TOUGH people do!! I will persevere.

Thankful

I am feeling very thankful for this time in my life, for it has taught me what a strong, competent and resourceful person I am. I am also thankful for the people who stand beside me and nurture these traits within me. Loving and caring family and friends are what life is all about!

Friends

Soon the summer will be half over...where oh where do the days go? This week started off with a BANG! I had company all day long! Two of Todd's hospice nurse's were here for a leftover lunch and for dessert we 'played' with my pistol, shooting at targets off of the back deck. James and Stacy had so much fun...they both live in towns where the shooting they hear are from drive by shootings so this was something different for them. Actually, we all had fun!


Another friend, Stephen, came for the afternoon to visit and catch up...we were hired together 9 1/2 years ago, trained together and have been friends ever since. I had so much fun with my training class from USIS - it was a good day. He bought us dinner to go from the Tradition. Let's not make it so long between visits!!

Cody stopped in after work - it was a very busy day of company for a Monday. Now I must work.

Life without television

I always wanted to shut off the cable - or not watch television. It seemes to make one lazy, eat more and rots the mind. I am on my second week without ANY television watching. I turned my cable box in on July 1st. I don't miss it at all. Don't ask me about Survivor, NCIS, The Young and the Restless or CSI. I am not a TV watcher anymore. I have been filling my time with visiting, outside chores, reading and just keeping up with life and living alone. It is not so bad. I can catch the news on the internet or radio. I think more. I don't seem to waste my time just vegging out in front of a screen of movement and noise. I am liking this. So LIVE YOUR LIFE rather than watch someone elses make believe life. Now... for Steeler football season...I might just be visiting friends for that!

Booker T

Yes, that is the infamous Booker T from Booker T and the MG's, creator of the hit Green Onions. I met him in 2007 when I flew to Colorado for my vacation at my sister Jan's. He and his band were performing in Telluride.....I always knew I was going to meet someone famous. We were sitting beside each other for 3 hours in a van...the heat prevented our plane from flight and the only way to get to where we were going was driving.

Booker T & the MG's - green onions - mod ...

My goal....

Yes, this is my goal. (not the man, just the girl) That is me in 1975; a mere 35 years ago!! I loved that dress! (and you did look good in that tux, Rich!!) Unrealistic, I am sure, but a 'girl' can dream and set goals, can't she? A few less pounds and keep coloring the gray....for today.

Looks like daisies were always my favorite flower, too.